If a Girl Pees in the Forest…

Does a girl pee in the woods?

hot, stinky, buggy (though surprisingly clean) outhouse that i did not love in frontenac provincial park

Of course she does.  Does she do it without getting her pants or shoes wet?  That’s a different story.  Peeing successfully en plein air is all a matter of technique.  This is something that I perfected years ago when my dad used to take me fishing.  We used to go night fishing in the middle of nowhere.  If there had been a washroom, it would have been locked up tight hours before our arrival.  I took to peeing where I could and I learned to do it quickly (in order to sustain the fewest mosquito bites possible) and efficiently (in order to avoid being stumbled upon by a stranger).  As an adult, I’ve taken this expertise for granted.  I was reminded of its importance when on our latest trip, my brother asked if aunt Jenny had any tips for my niece Charlotte on how to accomplish this feat.  At first I thought he was yanking my chain but I gave a full description and demonstration (shorts over long johns) anyway.  I was rewarded for my efforts with big smiles and sincere thanks after Charlotte’s next trip behind a tree.  So here goes,  this is the girls version of how to pee in the woods successfully every time…

How to pee outside:
I’m gonna do us all a favor and not include “how-to” pictures for this post.

  1. pick a spot a reasonable distance from your water source and camp, one that protects you from being seen
  2. look for a bit of a slope and stand at the high-end of it (so as not to find yourself standing in a growing puddle)
  3. drop drawers, but only to your knees DO NOT DROP YOUR PANTS TO YOUR ANKLES
  4. squat down as far as you can
  5. bunch up your bottoms and underpants and pull them forward (and out of harms way)
  6. keeping your feet as far apart as you can, let loose
  7. keep your eyes on the prize…make sure that you aren’t missing your target
  8. ta da!

This should have achieved your end goal without incident.  I hope this provides years of angst free backcountry bathroom breaks for all the ladies in your life.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Reblogged this on backcountry with the kids and commented:

    Because today is the actual anniversary of our blog, here is a repost of the most popular article from the last year. I won’t speculate as to why! Enjoy and have a great weekend.

    Reply

  2. Very cute! It’s totally true, peeing in the woods is a little counter-intuitive for girls. Even after years of girl scout camping (where nobody addressed this issue) and a year or two of rock climbing, I was not very good at this. Then we accidentally stumbled upon a girl who was peeing next to the trail one day (oops, rule #1!) and I suddenly saw the deep squat – pants pulled forward technique. Wow! Way better! I think the Girlscouts should totally have a “peeing in the woods” badge so girls can learn the important things in the wilderness!

    Reply

  3. Posted by On on June 7, 2012 at 9:46 PM

    Thanks a bunch! Here’s my results!
    Before reading this:
    I was on a hiking trip and really had to
    go. I tried to hold it in, but it got to the
    Point where every few steps I was stopping
    To hold it with my hands. So I went behind
    A bush and took my pants off. I was wearing
    Jeans. I tried to make sure I wouldn’t go all over my panties and jeans, but it wasn’t working out. I had to go so bad, it started coming out in drops. So I let it loose. It got all over my panties and my jeans looked like I went in my pants. A woman my age saw me pull up my jeans from behind the bush and I was embarrassed. Not a good result and every time I had to go during a hike, I either wet my pants, or went all over them.

    Reply

  4. Posted by On on June 7, 2012 at 9:52 PM

    After:
    I was a little nervous being that I had bad past experiences. So of course on the trip I had to tinkle. I tried to hold it as long as I could but
    I was walking and holding it down there at points. So I found a bush, and listened to your instructions. Thank you so much! I successfully
    urinated and only got a small blotch on my panties! Thank you!!! Now I can show my husband I, at 34 years old can finally go in the woods

    Reply

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